That Sweet Rebel Sound

Growing up in the countryside with horses, cats and dogs it’s something quite different to be living in one of Europe’s capitals with four kids in a three bedroom apartment.

I remember when the sheer happiness of living in the city was constant and overwhelming. I was a person who was meant to live in the city. It was my home and I could feel it deep inside my very bones. A city with thrift stores and kiosks on every corner. Demonstrations, outlets, street art and get-togethers. It was enough to fill my every cultural need. Never alone, never bored and always close to a party, a friend, a movie theatre and a beer. Random street festivals with pop-up Dj’s, the possibility of being politically active by taking a walk with friends down the right street, and finally, the familiar thought that no matter how crazy you dressed up or how saggy your sweatpants were, no one paid you a second glance. Cause in the big city where diversity is the new normal, there is no abnormal, no wrong and you’re never alone. Sounds like paradise for a rebel like me. But like most rebels, I too find something to rebel against in every thought, action or rule. And my kids help by asking all the right (innocent) questions.

With motherhood came the great need for being able to explain stuff to my son. How society works, how societal rules are governed, why people work for profit and last but not least, why we have accepted to live confined within a system in the first place.

I had no idea how few choices I actually make in my own life. It felt like I was in control. I decide which game I want to play! But really it was more like: I decide what clothes to put on and how to cut my hair..

After having set up a family with four kids; school, nursery, jobs, shopping, it’s difficult to sincerely claim that I decide which game we’re playing. Fact of the matter is that we’re totally and utterly dependent on the system to keep our setting up and running, and to make a change that puts me in charge of the reigns again feels impossible. I’m a sheep doing the best I can to do what everybody else is doing. F***!

But mom, if people can grow their own food why do you have to go to work to get money to buy food? Why not just grow food and then you and I can be together, I’ll help you? F***********! Oh.. right.. you’re right.. let me just dust off my pride and sense of reality and take control of my life again, just a minute.

That’s how it all began. The knowledge that I actually do my best to do what everybody else is doing, and that the need for taking control and fill my life, as well as my kids’ life, with stuff that matters is more important than entertainment possibilities and pop-up Dj’s.

So… We’ve decided to uproot our whole family and move to a little farm house where we can have horses, chicks, a dog and maybe a goat. Be more independent, grow our own food, get solar energy and open the door to nature in all its splendor.

It’s not going to happen until a year or so, but that’s fine. We need time to prepare mentally, practically and financially.

This is our journey.